To See Through Bush's Eyes

“Some people see scars and it is wounding they remember. To me they are proof of the fact that there is healing.” –Bush’s words to Angel when she notices Bush staring at her face.

In the novel Solar Storms by Linda Hogan, a young woman, Angel, returns to her native community in Canada after being taken away from her abusive mother as a young girl. She had spent many years in foster care but now yearns to understand her roots, her heritage, and the scars on one side of her face, the origin of which she has no knowledge. Bush is a character who serves as a new mirror for Angel, helping her to see her scars through new eyes.

When I first read the quote, I was very moved by it. Most of my life whenever I see my scar, I’ve remembered the wounding—not the actual original incision but the wounding of my family caused by my sickness and the wounding of my self-esteem due to the ugliness of the scar.

My current challenge is seeing my scar as “proof of the fact that there’s healing.” Certainly the reason I started this blog back in February of 2009 was related to healing. I wanted to connect with others who had been similarly scarred. I wanted to talk about healing from old wounds. I wanted to create a space where discussing my scar and the issues around it were accepted and welcomed. But this quote challenges me further.

To see my scar as “proof of healing”—well, it is a goal. At present, whenever I inadvertently see my scar in the mirror, a shadow passes over my psyche, a subtle but clear shift from light to dark. To see my scar as healing—the idea that this is possible brings a smile to my face. I’ve made progress on seeing my scar as a mark of love, but this knowing does not last. I hope to feel gratitude for healing when I happen see my scar in the mirror. I hope to feel appreciation. I hope to see through Bush’s eyes—to be reminded of the healing.