How to begin writing the story of my infant surgery for pyloric stenosis, I wondered over a decade ago, daunted by the thought of the task. I knew so little about what happened then…….and I was afraid to find out. I knew I needed to write, but I had no idea how to start. Draw,… Continue Reading
The Role of Visual Art in Writing about Trauma
To write a memoir about infant surgery as I have, one must often ease one’s way into the material–find a less direct way to crack through: Take the story by surprise. In my case, I chose art. Here are the pastel drawings I made before I wrote one word of the story. The first pastel… Continue Reading
To Heal My Injured Baby-Self (or To Soothe Infant Trauma)
In meditation eyes closed I check in with my body: familiar tension, arm pressed to side where incision cut at 26 days. Breath held. Oh little baby, I say to myself aware of her suffering. In my mind’s eye I place my fingertips gently on my baby-throat where the intubation tube choked,… Continue Reading
Tying a Bow: Leaving Old Trauma Behind
Each morning, I lift the cheerful pillow with its red and yellow plaid cover from the rocker chair and carry it to the bed. Just as I’m about to throw it onto the quilt, the tie slips out from where I’ve tucked it into the case the night before. I feel repulsed. Each night I tuck it… Continue Reading
Questions & Answers about Early Trauma
Recently, a reader wrote me to express appreciation for my 2014 blog post “ReStory Notes: Some Powerful Questions & Answers” and to ask permission to post it on Facebook. In answering a resounding yes, I reread the post and realized how spot-on it was and how it might be helpful to someone struggling to understand him… Continue Reading
Saved by a Spider: Connection is Key
Spider with Suicide A long-legged spider hung above where I, twenty-one, lay on an attic cot in the abandoned house I’d climbed into— the place I swallowed all those pills but woke up—frightened, disappointed, baffled really. Now what? I touched the cool brick next to me,… Continue Reading
"Becoming a Trauma-conscious Society"
is slow, but we are moving in this direction. What do I mean by a trauma-conscious society? The phrase, coined by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk in his book The Body Keeps the Score, has to do with understanding that many individuals are suffering from trauma due to conditions and situations of all sorts and that punishment… Continue Reading
1987 Headline: Newborns Do Feel Pain (Duh!)
New York Times November 24, 1987 Infants’ Sense of Pain Is Recognized, Finally By PHILIP M. BOFFEY WASHINGTON, Nov. 23— Newborns do feel pain. Parents don’t have to be told that, and many pediatricians don’t either. But the contrary belief – that the smallest babies are such primitive organisms that they are oblivious to pain… Continue Reading
Thank You, Amygdala, My Protector
To My Protector Oh my beautiful shark, sleep now. Rest as I stroke you. Snooze. You have done your job all these years. You have struck decisively, warned me, kept me alive. Even in sleep, your fish-eye— naked, ruthless, wide open. You have attacked more than needed, heard the ancient threats, real though… Continue Reading
The Attack of the Great White Shark: A Trauma Trigger Strikes
As I lay in the dark in bed recently trying to sleep, the fear of death paralyzed me. My stomach was tight, my mind raced with fears: Has pyloric stenosis finally gotten me after all these years? The week before, I had been pulling oil, i.e. chewing coconut oil, an ancient prescription for reducing inflammation in the… Continue Reading