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At year's end, some thoughts on PTSD and infant surgery

While driving on the highway to my chiropractor, I had a glimpse of what life would be like without PTSD. I was behind a cement mixer, traveling along at a nice clip–60 mph. I accepted the fact that traffic was a bit heavy, and I would just go with the flow. Then I noticed the time on my Prius’ digital clock. Better speed it up, I thought, so I won’t be late. I pulled left a bit to see the road up ahead of the truck, and to my surprise, the lane was completely clear!  I felt exhilarated–the entire road free when I had thought it full of cars!  That’s when it hit me–Wow, this is what life would be like without PTSD!  Accelerating into this lane felt so good. Let’s all pull out from behind that truck in 2012!!!!!!!!!

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When you have surgery as a baby, you are given a special, tiny box. In this box is the real experience of the surgery that was carried out on your body, on your soul, on your emotions, and on your intellect. In other words, the whole of you was there experiencing it. In the box is what happened from your perspective, but you have no words to describe it, for  the surgery occurred before you knew verbal language. Breath knows, emotions know, soul knows, intellect is aware but not in words.

You were told, however, that you couldn’t possibly remember the surgery because you were too young. You were told that you didn’t feel a thing. You learn that everyone else’s reportage about what happened is more important than your own. You were told not to dwell on it, not to deal with it.

But you were given this little box. You know something very important is in there. You are, of course, curious about what’s in it. You want to know, you want to focus on it, you want to explore the contents of this little box because it’s what you went through as a human being. Deep down, you know you did experience something. This story of your early beginnings, in whatever way you can shape it or tell it, is one of the most important stories of your life.  Open the little box. It’s ok. See what’s inside. Dare to claim your life as best you can.

0 Responses to At year's end, some thoughts on PTSD and infant surgery

  1. Another wonderfully apt little illustration of a part of your life and mine, thanks, Wendy. It’s been such fun and so good to open that box again and again during another year, and I’m sure 2012 will allow you to discover a few new treasures to share with your readers. And wow, the road ahead is clear!

  2. Another wonderfully apt little illustration of a part of your life and mine, thanks, Wendy. It’s been such fun and so good to open that box again and again during another year, and I’m sure 2012 will allow you to discover a few new treasures to share with your readers. And wow, the road ahead is clear!

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