In a recent session with a spiritual guide, I learned that in order to be a powerful healer in the world, I would have to transform what I learned when my infant body came into contact with the knife or scalpel. I was shown that I must understand my hand as three things: the hand of the infant, the hand of the surgeon, and the hand of me as an adult. In my work with the healer, I was asked to raise my right hand and imagine it as the hand of the surgeon who operated on me at 26 days old and then to see it as the hand of the infant that I was. As I received this information, I panicked. My eyes began to dart right and left, left and right uncontrollably. I felt locked into a pattern of fright. My body, too was frozen, for I was barely breathing. I tried to release the tension in my diaphragm in order that my breath flow in a relaxed fashion, but my darting eyes distracted me. Help!
I asked the healer what I could do. I was told that the energetics of the knife or scalpel had affected me and continue to do so. In order to be free, I need to identify with the energy of the surgeon. I was told to imagine his face; to let his mask fall and to take in the compassion of his eyes. I had a hard time doing this, just as I had had a hard time allowing my hand to be all three things. I kept seeing his eyes as cold blue and his face as stiff and hard. My eyes kept shifting frantically back and forth.
What is the neurological connection between eye movements and trauma? I believe that in the rapid back and forth movement of my eyes in response to the suggestions of the healer, something important was being shown to me. An old neurological pattern was being addressed. As I listen to the tape of the session, I am working further with the information. On the tape are words that I don’t even recall the healer saying! Now I have an opportunity to integrate them. Healing as completely as I can from my early surgery is my ultimate goal, and I cherish all that I am learning.
A confirmation of the healing I am receiving happened several days after the session in an aisle of Trader Joe’s. I was searching for goodies for my end-of-the semester class parties when I felt an urge to clasp my hands in front of me. As I brought my palms together, I felt a rush of love. I felt it everywhere all at once: in my body, in my heart, my mind. I was whole and every part of me loved. I’ve never felt anything like this before. Holding my own hands, I felt pure love for myself and for everyone and everything around me.