Tense. Gritting my teeth. My whole body on alert in order to keep my abdomen without breath, without movement. As if a bubble floats here, and I must not do anything that will disturb it for fear it will burst, a fragile bubble or balloon that must be preserved. My life depends on it. This is a description of waking PTSD style—my personal version.
How to deal with this daily experience? Before sleep, I must set my intention to wake relaxed and rested, feeling safe and protected. I must remind myself that breath comforts and nourishes. Lying in bed before sleep, it’s important to feel the effortless and calming expansion of my body caused by my inhale and the release and relief in exhale.
It’s hard to imagine waking without gritting my teeth, but if I believe I can, I will be able to. Louise L. Hay says in her book You Can Heal Your Life that it’s important to speak affirmations to oneself—loving words that allow for healing: I release this pattern in my consciousness that is creating this condition in my body. I am willing to let go of the beliefs that created this physical condition. I am safe. Breathing comforts and nourishes. Life supports me completely. Every moment I am held by all that is.
Wish me luck as I change my life.