Monthly Archives: March 2009

untreated PTSD rules!

  This morning, I awoke gritting my teeth as usual. I hugged an imaginary baby-Wendy and my jaw relaxed. It’s ok, baby, I told her, you’re safe. I believe that the gritting (what is called broxing) began during my surgery for pyloric stenosis as an infant. Gritting certainly makes sense if I had not had…

“self-harming”

I ripped out a piece of cuticle yesterday, something I haven’t done for weeks. Amazingly, I haven’t picked at myself for a while–until yesterday. As I reached for the flap of skin, I thought–oh, I’ll just pull it off. But when I felt the pain, I knew I had done something wrong, something that I…

body as safe space

Each day I struggle with the aftermath of my surgery. Each morning that I meditate, focusing on my breath, I experience the same pattern—breath held, life held back. I breathe only so far. I breathe shallowly. Each day, I must let my body know that it can receive the breath fully, from finish to start,…